I should be going out and being social, but I got derailed by a really muddy dog (muddy dog –> bath time, then clean the bathroom time, then shower time…it is like an all-night activity) and now I’m sitting between my now-clean-smelling dog and cuddly cat and am really debating why, exactly, it is considered so healthy for me to leave my home. I mean, I know why – so I don’t become a recluse – but I’ve been saying I need to wallow for the last 4 days and I’ve been so swamped with grief, classwork, and trying to be social and happy and fun that I haven’t had time to wallow. And maybe it’s actually good to spend a little wallowing time…but it’s also probably good to eat.

Anyway, this post was to apologize for the password-protection below, especially with a subject line like “Public Announcement”. Ha! Not quite so public, apparently! My plan is to have three passwords for this blog, mostly because the first one is totally embarrassing and I can’t commit to it for the life of the blog. At any rate, the first password won’t work (you’ve probably figured that out). The post itself is not that good and it is mostly the result of some personal frustrations with social interactions surrounding DB’s departure. If you’re still interested in reading it, send me an email (catchthetradewinds at gmail dot com).

I have a lot to say, but I’m not sure how public a lot of it should be. I absolutely love having a public blog, because I love getting traffic and I really love reading sitemeter (that gives me blog stats, locations, and IP addresses – nothing gives me more happiness than seeing the little line graph show an upward trend.  Well, actually, that’s not true, but I do like the little line to show improvement). However, I’ve gotten some visits in the last few days that have given me a bit of a start, and I need to be sure that I am maintaining some appropriate boundaries, especially with DB gone. I had two original goals for this blog (as I wrote in the first post, when I had exactly one reader – myself):

1) to document our decision-making process about babies and kids, since I absolutely love reading adoption/kid blogs and have found them to be tremendously valuable, and

2) to provide some information to people who want to know about being married to someone in the FBI, as this information is completely unavailable anywhere else.  The information that is available is either a) official and therefore totally sanitized to the point of being close to useless, or b) completely inaccurate from the popular media (like the article that I posted earlier about salaries.  It was a terrible article so I’m not going to post it again until I write the blog post that discusses it – it doesn’t merit two casual postings!)

I feel very strongly that discussions on those two issues should be in the public domain. Not to say, of course, that my opinions and our experiences on those topics are so valuable (if only I were that cool…), but if I can help a few people out in the process, or provide entertaining reading material for people, or shed some light on our personal path to family expansion, awesome. Particularly with respect to the FBI, I think there are some things that need to be discussed for there to be recognition or change – since starting this blog, I’ve heard of at least 3 other significant others in similar positions as I was when we started this whole crazy adventure, and that’s just in DB’s field office. I’m quite certain there are many, many more. We have online support groups for everything and anything that ails us – I think it’s reasonable to begin to talk about some of the funny, crazy, or appalling things that come as part of the FBI family package.  (One of my not-secret goals for this is that I will be searchable in Google for “FBI spouse” or “FBI wife” or “FBI family life”.  There, do you think that did it?)

Moreover, it is really popular right now to be especially cynical about our government, and I think this is the theme that runs deep and wide through both adoption circles and discussions about U.S. foreign and domestic policy. And although all (sociological, psychological, ideological, all types of -ogical) evidence would indicate that I am both ardently patriotic and pro-life, I consider myself to be fairly critical (often manifested as blatant disgust) of the current administration and fairly pro-choice, as well as pro-adoption, pro-ethics, pro-transparency, and pro-open-communication about what to expect in terms of working for the government. I think this puts me in a decent position to articulate some thoughts about some of these things.

At any rate, I’m going to continue with this blog and not much will change, so congratulations for reading a basically useless post. The only difference is that I’m realizing with DB’s departure that I will probably write some other things – processing my own thoughts that aren’t necessarily private, but not something I want to share with the random lurker – bigger issues about DB’s absence and my career. Again, if you would like the password, please send me an email.

Thanks for reading, and if you got to the bottom of this, congratulations!  Now I’m off to be social.