So I recently rediscovered the joys of Ani DiFranco’s music. In college, I used to love her song, “Little Plastic Castle”, and I even knew all the words to the song, but I never really actually thought about what they said (am I the only person who just sings the words to songs like a robot? Hopefully not). Anyway, tonight I realized what she was singing (emphasis mine):

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop
in every city
on a day which is every day
i pick up a magazine
which is every magazine
and read a story then forgot it right away

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time

Yeah, so that would be an accurate depiction of me. In freshman chemistry. Freshman like the undergrad freshman. Yeah, that’s right. Me. That little plastic castle is a total surprise every time.

In other news, I decided to enlighten all of my readers (and I commented on a few well-trafficked blogs, so maybe this is going to be useful to a lot of people – who knows? Maybe I’ll get more traffic!) about the important things I’ve learned that you might never have thought someone would have to learn, but really – I defy the odds. Ready?

THINGS I’VE LEARNED AS AN ADULT THAT I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED EARLIER:

1) You know that wooden stirrer for your coffee? No, not good to lick clean. (Learned: December 2007, when I first started drinking coffee at the tender age of 28.) Yes, I got splinters. Ouch.

Moral of the story: If your latte is so amazing that you want to lick the little stirrer, either a) get a plastic stirrer, or b) go with the grain. You’ll regret any other decision.

2) You should always make coffee with the lid ON. Even if it looks like the coffee can’t make it into the pot – it’s a secret, but trust me – the lid needs to be on the carafe thing. If you take it off, the coffee apparently can’t find its way into the carafe and winds up all over your counter. (learned: August 2007. Also age 28. Yes, embarrassing. WHOOPS.)

Moral of the story: Keep all parts of the coffee machine in their rightful places. They work best that way. Don’t try to improve upon the design of the coffee maker. It doesn’t want your help.

3) At Whole Fo0ds, the “Hearty Whole Grain Toasted O’s” are NOT fake organic Cheerios. No, no. They are SWEETENED! They are fake organic Honey Nut Cheerios!!

This was devastating to me this weekend. (Learned: then.)

Moral of the story: Read the side label. REAL Cheerios only have 1 g of sugar. Darn Hearty Whole Grain O’s.

4) If you look up the lyrics to a song, like, oh, say, Little Plastic Castle, and it says, in a flashing sign, “FREE RINGTONE! FREE RINGTONE!!” – do not be fooled. Even if it only asks you to put one, little, seemingly innocuous phone number in the spot so you can get your “free” ringtone – resist. Resist!! If you are eager like me, you plugged in your number in eager anticipation of your “free” Little Plastic Castle ringtone (how cool would that be? Notice I said “would”, and not “is”) without ACTUALLY reading the fine print, which ACTUALLY says that my “free” ringtone will cost me $10 PER MONTH! (Learned: 10 minutes ago.)

Moral of this story: Read fine print BEFORE committing to something, ESPECIALLY if that something has any flashing signs on it. If there are little flashing arrows pointing you to the place where you type in your number, take that as a warning signal – “don’t type your number here!” Also, don’t sign up for things at 10:00 pm, because apparently, offices are conveniently closed at that hour.

With that, back to…what am I studying? Oh, yay! Chemistry!!

PS – I didn’t forget my more interesting post topics, but I am just taking a break and waiting for my sinus headache medicine to kick in. Stay tuned. I promise this blog will get more interesting – ha!

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