I have 10 minutes on this one. Ready? Go!

So the other night, whoops, I got pulled over. For making a u-turn over a double yellow line (in an area where, I will say, EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER makes a u-turn in the street.) (The cop informed me that the double-yellow-line-prohibiting-u-turns is as well-known as the instruction to obey speed limit signs.) (I answered, “I guess so, but I guess I forgot about it cause I’ve been DOING IT FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS!”)

(And in case you were wondering, no, I did not get a ticket.)

(And I’m sure you’re wondering how, exactly, that happened.)

(And yes, DB was in the passenger seat.)

So this is kind of funny. *I* think it’s funny. DB often carries a gun, because he has to. It’s the rule. So when he gets pulled over (like that happens all the time. It doesn’t – it’s happened once since we’ve been married. That encounter did not result in a ticket, either, but for a different reason) he wants to make sure the cops know that he’s packing heat. Because oh-how-bad would that be if he reached over or something that the cop saw his piece? Yeah, bad.

The thing that I think is funny is HOW he goes about saying this. Here is the sample exchange:

Officer: “Did you know you blew past that light?” (This is actually what happened. I actually had some choice words for DB, too, because it was REALLY BAD that he just “didn’t see” the light. Actually, where we live, a lot of people “don’t see” lights. I believe on this occasion he was shocked by a story I was telling him about a close mutual friend, and he really did fail to account for the light status…and in all honesty, there is no way we’d consider what he did to be all worthy of a cop’s intervention…but hey, it was legitimate. Oops.)

DB: “Yes, sir, and I’m sorry.”

Officer, rolling eyes: “License and registration, please.”

DB: “I just want to tell you that I’m a federal law enforcement officer and I’m carrying a weapon.”

OK, now hold up. Does it not sound to you as though DB is threatening to investigate or shoot the cop?!? IRL, that’s how it sounds, and it is freaking hilarious. That is not at all the message he’s striving for, but hey – it’s hilarious.  I almost bust out laughing in the moment (to DB’s total chagrin).

For whatever reason – the threat, the guy’s feeling happy, whatever – DB escapes formal ticketing.

Now I bet you’re wondering how I escaped a ticket, too, esp since DB is in the car, and he’s carrying again.

I’ll tell you: It had to do with my wit and charm and absolutely nothing to do with my husband’s occupation. I told it like it was: I said, “Sir, I am very sorry. I am a moron. I completely didn’t think and you’re absolutely right and I will never do it again.” (Then I said the part about doing it for the last three years. That part wasn’t a lie.)

(I was also thinking about the fact that the insurance bill came the day before and it had “Rachel: No accidents, no tickets, “EXCELLENT DRIVER DISCOUNT PLUS”” and DB: “TICKET 2003. NO ACCIDENTS. EXCELLENT DRIVER DISCOUNT””, which I gloated about for a full day.) (I was thinking, MAN. Pride comes before a fall.)

But no ticket. And it had the intended effect – I will never make a u-turn on the main street in my neighborhood and cringe when I watch others do it (because seriously, it is like the Indy 500 of making uturns in that area…the streets pretty much suck to go back home without making one. But I am strong, and I will prevail.)

And…I still get my excellent driver discount plus. Score.