I know we’ve all been here (or haven’t we?  C’mon, everyone has this at least once in their childhood, right?):

Sick, sick, sick.  In the bathroom.  Forced to make a decision about how to approach the toilet:  face forward, or sitting down?  Because something is gonna happen at both ends, and whichever end you neglect will be totally offended…

Now picture:

Whole Foods.


On the way to class.

It was a really, really, really bad night last night.

‘Nuf said.

To the lady reading a book in the Whole Foods cafeteria watching me book it into the bathroom:

a)  Take a picture.  It lasts longer.

b)  I am RUNNING to DEFILE the PUBLIC BATHROOM.  In, as DB says, many unholy ways.

c)  And I AM PREGNANT, ok?!?  Just because I don’t have a stomach DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN GLARE AT ME!

To the dude at the checkout counter at Whole Foods:

Thank you very much for the free paper bag.  I promise it went to really, really, really good use.

(I called my doctor’s office this morning.  I think it’s time to amp up the artillery.)