So I have thought this for a long time, and behold! it is 11:00, and I should really have been doing physics homework by now (if you are not getting the picture that physics is the bain of my existance, it IS), but instead!  I have been searching for baby names.  Obviously very VERY important, at 12 weeks gestation, to look for baby names.

(Yes, we will be finding out the sex.  So-and-so found out the sex ALREADY and SHE is only ONE WEEK ahead of me – UGH THE COMPETITION – because she did the nuchal translucency scan, which is high resolution, and we are OLD SCHOOL and not doing such screening things, so alas – we must wait.  For 6 more weeks.

Is this what parenthood is like?  Competing already?!?)

OK – so anyway – baby names.

I have, in my head, many baby names that I like.  (Is this where I share them now?)  Except that they each have a problem with them, and so I am hoping that you all will NOT SKIP THIS POST, and help me, because you all – even those of you who are not yet parents – are BETTER at the name game than I.

OK, behold the list:

(Also, I am sharing because this is DB’s LEAST FAVORITE GAME and I want to talk about it!  So there!  He keeps suggesting one name, and I keep nixing that one name, and it is getting OLD OLD OLD, people.)

Actually, I should say:

Here are my stipulations.

1)  Name must be able to be shortened.  Like I should be able to shorten it, add a cheesy “-y” to the end when child is an infant, or still growing in my tummy, and it should not sound stupid.

1b)  It cannot end in -y already.  Or -ie.

2)  Along with that, name must be able to sound adult and mature when child is not a child anymore.  This is CRITICAL.

3)  Name is preferably not super popular.  However, you will notice that I breech this rule pretty much constantly.

4)  Name must not end with -er because our name ends with -er and it will sound like we have a gutteral issue.

5)  Name must go well with “Lorin” or “Lauren” in the middle, since we are using that as the child’s SECOND middle name.  Probably.  Name of deceased relative.  Cannot go into that any further.

6)  Yes, child will have three names.  Anyone have a problem with this other than DB?  He thinks it’s ridiculous.  I think it is perfectly fine.

7)  Name cannot be a name that someone who is due ahead of me is using.  This creates an issue.  So if you are pregnant and you know me well, could you please, um, share your name so I we don’t use it?  I don’t want to be a brat and take your name accidentally because I’m doing this too early.  K, thanks.

ETA:  Also, nothing that is the name of an alcoholic beverage (like “Jamison”).  And nothing from pop culture, like “Silas” (from Da Vinci code) or “Isabella” (Twilight) or…etc. Although there are about 15 names that I love that got eliminated that way.

Apparently I have a lot of rules.

And now, here are my names, with their issues:

Girl names:

1)  Emma – I love this name.  I have loved this name for forEVER and now it is POPULAR and I am TOTALLY ANNOYED.

Also, DB was in a bar once and there was a woman with big boobs there, and some random dude yelled to her, “EMMA!” and caused him to forever wonder if Emma was somehow related to well-endowed women.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Internet research has proven totally useless on this matter.

2)  Grace:  I love this name, too, and it totally violates rule #1, but you can still make it cute (ie, “Gracie”). I believe it also violates rule #3.

However, Grace was the name of a dog that I loved.  I’m actually okay with this, because it was the name of the dog that made me want to get Little – Grace was another Giant Schnauzer – but still.  A dog. (*see below for rant on people naming their dogs.)

3)  Katelyn:  I do love this name.  DB hates it.  I’m working on him.

4)  Rebecca.  I just like it.

I’m out now.  I know, I know, I totally suck.  Please suggest some other names.  There may be others I was thinking about yesterday, but I’ve forgotten them now.  I have a major sieve-brain problem these days.

Boys:

I seem to have more of these.

1)  Jacob:  I love this name.  A lot. See breech of #3.  Again.

HOWEVER, our friends named their dog Jake, and this has apparently ruined this name for our child forever.  THIS IS SO ANNOYING.  (We are not the hugest fan of dog Jake, which is really the issue between Grace and Jake.)  UGH!

2)  Micah: Although perhaps a cliche, I think Micah 6:8 is one of the best verses in the Bible.

Although:  more edit:  I texted DB with this name just now, and he wrote back, “It is also a good nickname for our kitchen counter.”

He is a funny one, that D.  Grrr.

3)  Isaac.  I think another breech of rule #3.

4)  Isaiah.  breech, again.  Perhaps there should not be a rule #3.

That might be it for that, too.

So here, let me rant a little bit on animal names, here:

I actually know a lot of you have breeched this particular beef, and don’t worry – I am not *really* upset, but hear me out:

We named our animals “Little” (for our massive dog) and “Chomper” (for our mean-spirited, but beloved cat).

There is not a soul on this Earth who would ever dream of naming a child either of those names.

When people name their animals people names, and I happen to LIKE the people name for my future children, it DRIVES. ME. INSANE.

Mostly because then it is ruined forever.

Because our child will think s/he is named after an animal.

When really, really, really, it was just a coinky-dink.

So please, I impore you, think of the children when you name your pet.  Really!  There are great names out there!  You can even be funny!  Or creative!  And it doesn’t mean you love your pet less to name it a non-human name!

That is my little sidebar.

Now…who is going to help me?  Please?  Please?  And also, don’t hate my names.  I know they are not unique.  I like unique names, so if you have unique suggestions, please please PLEASE throw them out there.

P.S.  I could care less if you use my names.  So consider that plea – the plea to share with me – only for your *own* protection, because I frankly do not care whatsoever if someone uses the same name we do.  However, I recognize that not everyone feels this way…

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